Remembering Anna Allison
Published on September 24th, 2003
STONEHAM, MA- two weeks ago, Blake Allison browsed the front page of the Sunday New York Times and faced a dreaded image: a recently discovered photograph of American Airlines Flight 11 slamming into the World Trade Center.
The image was but one of the thousands of nagging September 11 reminders that regularly bombard families still struggling with the loss of loved ones. For Allison, whose wife Anna Williams Allison perished aboard the ill-fated Flight 11, the photograph was too much to bear.
"As I picked up the Sunday Times, I just missed seeing a picture of my wife's plane hitting the towers which I haven't seen, and quite frankly don't want to see...I had to get my brother to cut it out," the Pond Street resident recalled.
While Allison understands the historical significance of 9/11, he reflected on the difficulty of coping with a personal tragedy constantly referred to in newspapers, magazines, politics and radio and television.
"One of the things people outside our situation don't understand is the extent to which we have to deal with this everyday. If you have, god forbid, someone die in a car crash or of a heart attack, it's terrible to deal with. But you don't have to see it every day. People tell time now by 9/11 and those of us on the receiving end of it are always going to remember those events and what we lost that day," explained Allison, who considers the terrorist attacks as historically important as the Civil War, Pearl Harbor, and the assassination of President Kennedy.
Although Allison believes that time has facilitated the healing of very raw and painful wounds, for the past two years he has felt a wave of grief wash over him unexpectedly during August and September.
"It is still a very painful day. I can feel anxiety and melancholy coming on in August. Not for any particular reason, it just starts...There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her," Allison remarked, gesturing towards two photographs of his wife sitting on the countertop across from his kitchen table.
"There are times that I look at her picture and can't believe she's gone. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday and then there are times when it seems like an eternity," he added.
Allison sits at his kitchen table dressed in a checkered blue and white collared shirt and tan khakis. He reflects calmly on the last two years of his life, and although at times you can see a brief expression of grief or a flicker of pain resonate across his brown-eyed gaze, he appears to be a man finally learning to deal with personal loss of a scope many will never experience.
His home, the same he shared with his wife during their ten-year union, is filled with reminders of what once was - from the photographs resting on his countertop to the flowering rain-soaked garden in his backyard.
"The garden is an expression of us and what we did together. A lot of the plants were the result of her planting and it's impossible to look at that without thinking about her," said Allison of the garden.
The Stoneham resident spent the second anniversary of September 11 at the Boston Public Gardens, the future site of a memorial for the 197 Massachusetts lives lost during the terrorist attacks. According to the recent addition to the town's Conservation Commission, the memorial is especially important to Massachusetts' families who feel out of touch with New York's World Trade Center memorial and have received little or no remains of their loved ones.
"Most people don't feel part of the process in New York. I think a lot of Massachusetts' families feel not very engaged with that. There were 197 victims from Massachusetts, and I think that's a relatively small percentage, relatively speaking," Allison explained.
"The memorial is very important to the families because for many of us, it's all we're going to have to remember our loved ones. The vast majority of Massachusetts' families have gotten no remains of their loved ones and without being too graphic, those who have [received remains] have gotten very little. I have gotten nothing, which is pretty typical," the Stoneham resident added.
The memorial, planned to be completed by next August at a cost of approximately $500,000, will be placed near the intersections of Arlington and Newbury Streets in Boston. A simple granite slab, the memorial will form a semi-circle with the names of the Massachusetts victims inscribed on the inside face and will overlook the Boston Public Garden's lagoon.
Although Allison doesn't deny the hurt stemming from the loss from his wife, he claims that the support of family, the help of a grief counselor, and the passage of time has done much to help him recover.
"I've been very fortunate to have the ongoing support of family and friends which is beyond measure. The Mass 9/11 fund has not only supplied a network of legal, financial, and emotional services but has provided a place where family members can come, be together, and feel that they're doing something proactive," Allison commented.
"Finally, there's just time that changes your relationship to the event. My relationship with Anna exists but it's not being enriched by being together. I'm developing new perspectives on life, so my life experience has grown and Anna's part in that has become a smaller part of that...It doesn't make all things go away, but as one of the woman at our group said [at the public gardens], the events don't change but you feel differently about them," said Allison.
Another factor has also delivered a tremendous impact on Allison's life, and initially drew his attention to the Sunday New York Times two weeks ago when he spotted an article about surviving 9/11 spouses dating and remarrying again.
"I've been very lucky in the past few months that I've met a woman who has filled a huge emotional void in my life. Coincidentally, she's a widow and so she understands where I'm coming from and I understand where she's coming from," Allison remarked.
To submit donations to the Massachusetts 9/11 Fund or to the Boston Public Gardens September 11th Memorial, logon to www.massfund.org or submit a check or money order payable to "The Mass-achusetts 9/11 Fund, Inc," at this address:
The Massachusetts 9/11 Fund, Inc., Attn: Eric A. Lowrey, c/o Brown Brothers Harriman, 40 Waters Street Boston, MA 02109
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